The Perfect Gift

I'm a Boxing Day baby. In my youth, some of my peers were jealous that my birthday landed on the only concurrent pair of statutory holidays. It was definitely great, but not because I get double the gifts. In fact, I'd usually get one combined gift for Christmas and my birthday. Some people assumed it was a bigger agglomerate gift (so to speak) to combine the two events. That assumption often proved wrong--my brother would get the exact same gift even though his birthday is in the spring. The only difference between my present and his was that his card didn't have the 'Happy Birthday' appendage written on it. For a brief time, I felt like I got shafted every single year...

photo by Kasia [cc license]

Now that I'm older, I realize that what I thought I wanted was often an illusion. The bubble was created by the people trying to convince me I needed stuff I probably never autonomously wanted. Unfortunately for Detroit, even the most brilliant advertisers can't persuade people they need a Hummer right now. If you ask me what I want now, I may still mull over the usual suspects. I'm a Toronto Raptors fan; but watching their games is painful enough as it is. I don't think I'd enjoy seeing a Chris Bosh Fathead on my dining room wall every day. I don't need something to provide me with 10 seconds of entertainment like a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll. It would just end up feeding the black hole some people call 'the basement' anyway (anyone who's ever seen my Mississauga basement knows what I'm talking about). I do have a small wish-list of course, but I prefer to keep that one to myself. That's because if Santa Claus, a genie, government or anyone else decides to grant all my wishes, then I'll have no motivation left to work for anything.

Alas, here is my guidance for finding me the perfect gift this holiday season. It's tailored specifically to me, but I suspect it can apply generally to quite a few other adults as well.

1. If you find the perfect gift and it fits within your budget, I will very much appreciate your bestowal.


2. On the other hand, if you have no idea what I want and need to ask me what I want, chances are I don't need it and will get by fine without it. Do not feel the need to get me something for the sake of gift giving.


3. If you feel the exigency to give me something material, get me a cheap card and write something in it. If you're really frugal, you can make your own card out of paper and I'll appreciate it just as much, if not more. The best gifts always have intangible value.


4. If you feel absolutely compelled to spend money, and you have no idea what I may want, here's the fail safe: ask me to send you a list of charities. As a follow up, I'll send you a list of about five charitable organizations that I consider to be well managed, deserving, underfunded and serving a cause that I feel connected to. You can choose one (or several) from the list I provide, and donate your earmarked gift budget to it. Just let me know to whom and how much you donated and I'll have the peace of mind in knowing that no Wal-Mart employees were harmed in giving such a gift. As an added bonus, you'll get a kickback from the tax guys.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

And don't forget, You're Smarter Than You Think. Kent Carter.